Fallen Angel
by Juju Jula
Summary: Harry is raped and beaten by his relatives. Draco Malfoy and his father are not what they seem to be. Harry is under a curse which is keeping him from becoming what he was supposed to be. This will be slash (HarryDraco, LuciusSeverus, maybe more)
1. Prologue

Title: Fallen Angel  
  
Author: Juju  
  
Rating: will be R in future chapters  
  
A/N: This will be slash (Harry/Draco, Lucius/Severus) eventually, so if you don't like it, don't read it. If you do like it please read and review it. Please also note that I am German and my English isn't so good. Please bare with my spelling and grammar mistakes.  
  
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Prologue:  
  
When Lucius Malfoy crossed the magical barrier between platforms nine and ten he was alarmed to see that his son wasn't there. Lucius had just been released from prison and it sure wouldn't take Narcissa long to realize that. He hoped that his wife, or better soon to be Ex-Wife (he had decided to finally divorce her) hadn't gotten to Draco before he did and taken him to Voldemort.  
  
Lucius knew that his son would rather die than take the Dark Mark and since Draco didn't have all of his powers yet he probably would be killed.  
  
With one last look along the platform Lucius decided to leave when he saw Harry Potter being dragged to a large group of people by one of the Weasley boys. He saw pain in Harry's eyes and was surprised to note that when the two boys had almost reached the other people a mask forced itself over Harry's features and he started to smile brightly. There was still a small amount of pain in his eyes but the other people didn't seem to notice or care.  
  
Lucius than realized that he didn't know the Boy-Who-Lived at all. He frowned slightly before letting his face smooth back in the usual cold mask. Who would have thought that Harry was this good at hiding his true feeling? That his smile was a mask just like his own?  
  
Lucius' musings were interrupted by the loud laughter of the people standing in front of him. He then realized that the group had moved and was now standing in front of him.  
  
"Looking for your son, Malfoy?" asked one of the twins. The group broke out in laughter again.  
  
Lucius scowled. He than realized that Harry wasn't laughing with them. "How did you get out of prison" Harry asked his face showing no emotion.  
  
"I don't think that's any of your concern, Potter" said a cold voice behind them.  
  
Startled they turned around and saw Severus Snape standing there a frown on his face.  
  
Harry looked him for a moment, then lowered his eyes. "Let's go" he said simply.  
  
"But Harry, Malfoy probably escaped from prison, we..." Ronald Weasley started, but was interrupted by his father. "Dumbledore told me that he was going to testify for Malfoy. He trusts him. Let's go, Ron"  
  
"But Dad, he..."Ronald started again.  
  
"Let's go" his father repeated.  
  
"Good luck searching your son then. You might want to put on some gloves before you touch him. We wouldn't want you to get slime all over yourself." One of the twins said grinning wildly. The whole group started laughing again.  
  
With a flick of his wrist Lucius had his wand in his hand and was about to through a curse when Severus stepped in front of him. He saw Arthur Weasley drag his children from the platform and shot an evil glare at the greasy haired potions master.  
  
Severus just lifted one elegant eyebrow and said calmly. "We have to get back to Draco. He is not feeling good"  
  
"What happed? Where is he?" asked Lucius anxious to know where his son was.  
  
"I took him home with me." Snape answered. "Let us go there so you can see him"  
  
They left Platform 9 ¾ quickly and apparated to Snape Manor.  
  
"Draco upstairs in his usual room" said Severus quietly. "Maybe you can cheer him up"  
  
Lucius quickly left the entry hall and went looking for his son. When he entered the room he saw Draco lying on the bed, his head buried in the pillow. His shoulders were shaking.  
  
Lucius went over to the bed and sat down quietly. He began stroking his son's back and said softly: "What happened?"  
  
Draco lifted his head. "Dad?" he asked distressed. After a moment he flung himself at his father and began sobbing into his shoulder.  
  
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A/N: I know it sucked, the next chapter will be better and a lot longer too. Please leave a review. Juju 


	2. Deceitful appearances

Chapter 1: Deceitful appearances  
  
A/N: Thanks to every one who reviewed the last chapter. You guys are great!!!  
  
Also thanks Captn Jack Sparrow who beta-read this chapter for me. (She is German too, so there will probably still be mistakes.)  
  
In case you haven't guessed it already, this takes place directly after book 5. It contains spoilers for all of the previous HP books.  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters, places...  
  
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After crying for a while Draco lifted his head and wiped away his tears angrily. He knew that it was partly his fault that Harry and his friends hated him. But it still made him miserable. He was sad that he couldn't show Harry who he really was. He had always told himself that it was because he had to keep up the façade as son of a deatheater, but he knew that was only part of why he had treated Harry badly. He wouldn't be able to handle another rejection like when Harry refused to take his hand in first year. He knew it wasn't Harry's fault because of the spell Harry was under. Once he found out who had performed the curse they would have to pay for doing this to Harry and him.  
  
Lucius watched his son closely, concern shining in his eyes. The Malfoy family was not as cold as they were thought to be, well at least the two male Malfoys. Narcissa had always been indifferent towards everything and could be considered cold. Still it was utterly unlike Draco to break in such a fashion and Lucius was lost at what to do.  
  
Draco looked at his father. "I take it your trial went well then?" he said trying a smile. He was genuinely happy that his father had been released from prison.  
  
His father grinned. "I wouldn't be here if it didn't, would I" he said trying to lighten up the mood.  
  
Draco smirked "I don't know, you could have escaped"  
  
"Dumbledore testified that I was spying for the Order. They had to let me go after that. Fudge was not happy about that." Lucius said with a grin.  
  
"Who would have thought that." Draco said still smirking. Then he continued more seriously: "Will you continue to work for the Order"  
  
Lucius thought for a moment. "I don't know why I should work for a bunch of people who sent a child to fight their battles for them" he said thinking of Harry's sad expression back at the train station. "I'll help fight Voldemort, but I will not join the Order" he said.  
  
Draco smiled at him. "Good decision Dad" "Does Mother know?" he added in an afterthought.  
  
"What about me being out of prison, or about me betraying Voldemort?" he asked.  
  
"Both." Draco said looking at his father. He knew that Lucius didn't love Narcissa and that his mother didn't care about either him or her son, but he was still curious of how she might have reacted hearing that her husband didn't support her Master.  
  
"I bet she has already heard about it. There were a lot of people at my trial and I'm almost certain that she had someone to listen there." Lucius said.  
  
At that time a large black owl appeared at the window. Lucius quickly walked over to let her in. The bird dropped an envelope in front of him and let. Lucius performed a quick spell to ensure that it wasn't cursed and than picked it up.  
  
"It's from your mother" he said absentminded while scanning the letter. "She is asking for a divorce."  
  
Draco couldn't keep himself from smiling. He was happy about the fact that his father would finally be free. His parent's marriage had been arranged by their parents and neither of them had been happy.  
  
"I am going to take the papers to a lawyer to check them. I would not put it past Narcissa to try to get back at me by claiming the Malfoy fortune for her or something alike. But since it was her who has asked for an annulment of our marriage, I do not see a reason why she should get anything." He smirked and turned to his son who was still smiling at him.  
  
"Well, I am going to sent a letter to Mr. Riqueza, are you going to be can I leave you here by yourself?" he asked his son teasingly.  
  
"Very funny, Dad. Yes, I'm going to be fine, but I'm not going to stay here. I am going to go outside to fly." He answered taking his broom and leaving the room after his father.  
  
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With one last look at Snape Harry stepped through the barrier and was soon standing between platforms 9 and 10. He moved to the right a little just in time to avoid a collision with Mr. Weasley who was dragging a still struggling Ron through the opening.  
  
"Where are those relatives of yours? We thought we might have a little chat with them before letting them take you home" Mr. Weasley asked looking up and down the platform.  
  
"I don't know if that's a good idea" Harry said at once, shivering at the thought what the Dursleys would do to him later.  
  
"Oh, I think it is," Fred said. "We have to make sure they treat you all- right, mate" George continued giving Harry a friendly punch on the arm. Harry closed his eyes and sighed.  
  
"That's them, right Harry?" Hermione asked looking at him.  
  
Harry quickly opened his eyes and saw the tree Dursleys standing at the end of Platform 9 scowling darkly at everyone daring to come closer than 10 feet. He nodded.  
  
"Well, lets go then" Ron said.  
  
They all walked over to where Harry's family was standing. Dudley and Petunia quickly move to stand behind Vernon, who was eyeing the group of wizards suspiciously. Then his gaze fell on Harry who was standing a couple of feet behind the rest of the others. A look of pure disgust crossed the fat muggle's face but it was quickly pushed away. "Are you ready, boy?" he snapped.  
  
Harry got his trunk and moved to stand beside his uncle, who turned to leave but was interrupted by Mr. Weasley who said: "Mr. Dursley? You might remember me, I'm Ron's father. I picked up Harry summer before last."  
  
Harry couldn't keep himself from snorting. Of course Uncle Vernon remembered. Mr. Weasley had demolished the whole living-room of the usual neat Dursley-House. Next summer Harry had gotten what was probably the worst beating of his life for it. That said something because Harry had been beaten ever since he could remember. He was used to it by now, but that time was worse than ever. He had been hurt so badly that he could hardly move for four days.  
  
Vernon Dursley glared at him, but that didn't seem to intimidate Mr. Weasley. He kept on talking.  
  
"Ah, it seems you do. Good. I wanted to talk to you about the way Harry is treated when he is at your house."  
  
"I am not aware that it is any of your business what is going on at my house" Harry's uncle answered scowling darkly.  
  
"Well, it is if it is concerning Harry" Mr. Weasley replied calmly. "We expect that he is treated correctly" he continued watching the three Dursleys, who just continued to stare at them.  
  
"And if we here that you've been horrible to him, we'll find out about it. You know what happened the last time right?" George said, grinning evilly.  
  
Dudley whimpered at that remembering the way his tongue had grew to the size of a Python after having eaten one of the twins toffees. He tried to hide behind his mother what was in vain since he was about three times he seize.  
  
"We expect to hear from Harry every three days." Mr. Weasley added.  
  
With one last glare Vernon Dursley turned around his wife and son following quickly. Harry picked up his trunk and started after them. "Don't worry, Harry if they do something just tell us and we'll come to help you." Mr. Weasley said smiling at him.  
  
'Yeah, like you have done that every other time they did something to him' he thought sadly. He put on a brave smile.  
  
"I'll see you after the holydays, guys" he said to Ron and Hermione. "Goodbye Mr. Weasley" he said turning around. "By Fred and George" he called over his shoulder. He then hurried along and only caught up with the Dursleys at their car. He moved to put his stuff in the trunk and sat down in the back seat next to Dudley who seemed to have gained another 20 pounds and was occupying more than half of the seat.  
  
Uncle Vernon started the car. He was fuming. 'How dare they talk to me like that' he thought livid. He quickly left Kings Cross to get home to deal with Harry who he thought was responsible for this humiliation. He turned around and glared at his nephew.  
  
At this moment Dudley elbowed Harry in the ribs. "Move over, you are talking too much space" he grunted.  
  
Harry sighed and moved to the side. 'Welcome home, Harry' he thought sarcastically.  
  
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When Draco arrived at the front lawn, he quickly mounted his broom and started to climb higher and higher, then, on a dime he turned around and was now heading straight down to earth. He only pulled out of the dive when he was a few feet away from the ground.  
  
He loved to be in the air, to feel the wind on his face. It always lifted his spirits. He continued to fly like that his stunts getting more and more dangerous as time passed. He was able to forget about his problems and to enjoy the flying.  
  
When he went back inside the sun was already setting. He went by the kitchen to grab a bite to eat and headed to his room where he collapsed on the bed and fell asleep soon after.  
  
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When they arrived at Privet Drive the Dursleys Vernon Dursley stormed inside still fuming from the talk to the Weasleys had given him. He was sure that Harry had asked those freaks to do that. That boy was going to pay for embarrassing him like that.  
  
Harry heaved his trunk out of the car and followed his uncle slowly. He had seen the look on his uncles face and didn't like it at all. It was the look he was giving Harry when he was about to explode. He had seen it so many times before.  
  
Harry lowered his head and entered the house silently praying that he was going to get to his room safely. His hopes were in vain though. He had just steppe through the door when Uncle Vernon grabbed him by the collar and pushed him roughly against the front door.  
  
"You think that was funny, don't you boy?" he yelled  
  
"No, sir, Harry managed to choke out. He had trouble breathing. Uncle Vernon's grip was merciless pinning him against the cold wood. Harry closed his eyes and waited for the first punch.  
  
At this moment aunt Petunia appeared in the doorway holding her purse in her hand. "Vernon, did you forget? We are going to go out to celebrate Dudley's return from school."  
  
"I'll be out in a minute." He said to his wife who turned to leave.  
  
At this time Harry heard Dudley from the outside whining: "Dad, where are you? I'm starving"  
  
Miraculously the grip loosened a little and Harry dared to open his eyes only to see his uncle glaring at him.  
  
"This isn't over yet, boy," he said venomously. Harry shivered. That didn't sound good. He just nodded weakly.  
  
"You will stay in the cupboard until we return." Harry winced. He hadn't been in there since he had gotten the letter telling him he was a wizard. He didn't think that he would ever have to go back there. He sure had hoped so. He hated it. It was dirty and brought back many bad memories.  
  
"If you dare to use any of your abnormal tricks to get out of there, I am going to make sure that you will never leave this house again!!!" Uncle Vernon barked at Harry his face seemed to turn purple from all the yelling he was doing.  
  
Then Harry was thrown into the cupboard and the Dursleys left. He was alone in the dark. He sank down onto the floor shivering slightly. In an attempt to comfort himself he pulled his knees up to his chin and wrapped his arms around them. He looked around sadly. It still looked the same as it did when he was moved to Dudley's second bedroom. There were the few toys he had have as a small child. They were all broken having once belonged to Dudley. There was the old tattered blanket he used to sleep with. He took it and wrapped it around his shoulder. He felt so alone starring sadly in the darkness a lonely tear running down his cheek.  
  
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At the same time Draco was having a nightmare:  
  
He was sitting in his room at Snape Manor when the walls began moving towards to him. The airy light room changed into an old dirty chamber in which he had barely room. But the walls didn't stop to move and soon he had the feeling that they were going to crush him. He tried to get out of the room, but it was locked. The walls were moving closer and closer. He started to panic.  
  
When he felt the walls crushing his bones he woke with a scream. He was trying to find out what woke him and remembered the dream. It confused him to no end. He had never been claustrophobic and didn't know why he would have a dream like that. He spent the next couple of hours thinking until he finally fell asleep without coming to a solution.  
  
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Please leave a review!!! 


	3. Nothing but pain

** Chapter 2: **

**A/N: Thank you so much for all the reviews!!! You guys are great!!**

**This takes place after book 5 (the Order of Phoenix)**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters, places…**

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The next morning Harry was woken by a disgruntled Uncle Vernon who was banging his fist against the cupboard door.

"Get up, Freak" he yelled through the wood. Harry opened his eyes lazily. He was really tired having had nightmares all night. When he realized who was at the door he sat up quickly not wanting to give his uncle a reason to punish him even more than he already would.

"Get in the kitchen and make breakfast. You can't expect us to do everything in the house." Harry's uncle continued to yell in a petulant voice.

Uncle Vernon opened the door and pulled Harry to his feet. He then proceeded to drag Harry to the kitchen and left to take a shower. Harry let out a relieved sigh. He hoped that Uncle Vernon had forgotten his threat, but he didn't really believe it. His uncle had the tendency to make people believe they were safe and then strike when they least expect it.

Harry looked around the kitchen and realized that it hadn't changed a lot since the last time he had been there. He then started to prepare breakfast for his uncle. It was barely 6 o'clock and he knew that it would be some time until Dudley and Petunia would be downstairs. They tended to sleep in during the holydays. Uncle Vernon and of course Harry were the only ones who had to get up early.

Vernon Dursley had to go work at his drilling company and Harry had to cook breakfast and to do work in the house or garden. His aunt usually left a list on the kitchen counter telling him what to do.

Harry was just frying bacon when his Uncle entered the kitchen, switched on the TV and sat down scowling at Harry who quickly got a cup, poured in some coffee and then placed it in front of the large man.

"Breakfast not ready yet?" Uncle Vernon asked irritation showing clearly in his voice. "Hurry up, Boy. You don't want to make me late for work now, would you?" he added threateningly and turned his attention to the TV.

Harry winced. It sounded as if his uncle was in a particularly foul mood. Not that Harry could really tell, his uncle always treated him like scum - bad mood or not. He hurried to get a plate, knife and fork, put them on the table and continued to fry the bacon. Harry wasn't really paying attention to what was on TV until he heard a well known name. "... Sirius Black the notorious mass murderer is dead. At this time it is uncertain what the cause of his death was but we can be certain that there is no more a threat coming from him..." said the announcer.

Harry was just staring at the picture they were showing of Sirius horrified. In the last years uncle Vernon had been a little intimidated by Sirius, not enough to keep him from beating Harry, but he didn't dare to do anything worse. Harry realized that now with Sirius gone Uncle Vernon would make up for the past summers. Harry finally lifted his gaze from the TV and cautiously looked over to his uncle to see what his reaction would be. Uncle Vernon looked delighted. "So you little Freak, your Godfather will come and help you? Well, he won't now, will he? Now you've got nobody. You are all alone" he said grinning maliciously. "Got himself killed just like your parents did. That's what you get for associating with your kind."

"No, it's my fault that he died" Harry said barely audible" directing his gaze to the ground. He didn't want his uncle to see his weakness. But it was already too late for that. His uncle had seen the look on Harry's face and heard his shaking voice. He knew what to do to hurt the boy even more.

"Well, you are probably right about that. People around you always die. Your parents, your Godfather...who will be next?" Uncle Vernon said darkly knowing that this was as painful if not worse as any beating he could give him.

Harry sobbed. His uncle was right, it was his fault they died. Death surrounded him. Why didn't he realize this before? The only thing he could give people was pain. Sirius would live if it hadn't been for him. Whenever he got close to someone they would die or something bad happened to them. Harry swore right then that he would never get close to anyone again. He didn't want the blood of even more people on his hands.

Tears were running down his cheeks freely now. He didn't even bother to hide them, didn't care anymore if his uncle saw him cry. He just wanted to be held by someone, but he knew that no one would ever care for him enough to hold him. Well maybe Sirius did, but that didn't matter anymore.

"Sirius" Harry sobbed quietly, remembering how kind his Godfather had been towards him.

"What did you do to get him killed you little freak? Or maybe did you kill him yourself?" Uncle Vernon continued to taunt the distraught teenager.

"I...I...I'm sorry." Harry said still crying openly.

Vernon snorted. "Sorry indeed. You are a sorry excuse for a human, worse than an animal." After a short pause he added maliciously "and hurry with my breakfast. I don't have the time to put up with you."

Harry still had tears running down his cheeks but he turned his attention back to the cooker. He then saw that the bacon was burned. Harry looked around frantically trying to figure out what to do. If he didn't serve his uncle soon he would be in a lot of trouble.

Just then his uncle looked up and sniffed. "What did you do now, Freak?" he said walking over to the cooker frowning darkly at Harry. When he saw the almost black meat lying in the pan he turned to the trembling boy beside him. "Can't you do anything right for once? Do you have to make mistakes in everything you do?" he yelled.

Harry took a few steps backwards, trying to escape his uncle's wrath even though he knew that he wouldn't be able to do so. Harry backed up until his back was flat against the opposite wall. He looked up and saw his uncle making his way over to him slowly, rubbing his hands.

When uncle Vernon was close enough he violently grabbed Harry's chin with one hand and tilted the boy's head upwards. He wanted to see the pain in the freak's eyes while he was punishing him because the boy usually refused to make any sound. He would just stand or lie there motionless and wait until it was over or he lost consciousness. He then raised the other hand and slapped Harry's face. The boy winced. There was blood coming out of his nose, tears were still running down his cheeks, but he didn't make a sound.

Uncle Vernon took a step backwards and punched Harry in the stomach as hard as he could. Harry doubled over in pain. His uncle started to kick him wherever he could reach. Harry fell to the ground and curled up to protect himself as good as he could. Uncle Vernon continued to kick him. In the beginning Harry tried to count how many times his uncle kicked him, but after a while he lost count.

The pain was getting worse and worse. He just wished that he would lose consciousness soon, so he wouldn't have to stand the pain anymore. He realized that when he would wake up the pain would be as bad as it was now. He had been in this situation before but he knew that he would never get used to it. His uncle was still kicking him. Harry didn't know how much time had passed, but he hoped that it would soon be time for his uncle to go to work. He then felt a sharp pain in the back of his head where he had just been kicked and knew that he would be unconscious in a few seconds. 'Finally' was his last thought as everything went black around him.

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When Draco woke he knew that something was wrong. He didn't know what it was, but there was this feeling. He didn't sleep very well. He tried to remember what he had dreamt, but he could only remember parts of the dream. He remembered a kitchen and then there was just pain. 

Suddenly he realized what was wrong. He felt hollow, like some part of him was missing. Since some time back he had had this feeling. He couldn't really describe how it felt, but there was something that completed him.

He knew that this feeling had been caused by Harry and he had hoped that maybe, only maybe it meant that his soul mate was getting stronger and breaking the spell that kept them apart. This feeling was gone now and he knew that something bad had happened.

Draco got up and dressed quickly. He left the room in a hurry. He had to tell his father that there was something wrong with Harry. He didn't want to lose him before he even got to know him. He couldn't let that happen.

Lucius looked up from the letter he was writing when he heard a loud racket in the hall. A few moments later the door to the drawing room flew open and Draco stormed in panting heavily. Lucius eyed him with amusement but when he saw the panicked look on Draco's face the smile disappeared from his face.

"What is the matter, son?" he asked concern evident in his voice.

"I think something is wrong with Harry. We have to go see if he is hurt" Draco answered breathlessly.

"How do you know that there is something wrong?" Lucius asked sounding concerned.

"I don't know" Draco answered sounding irritated. "It's just this feeling that I have. We have to go look."

"Draco, you know that we can't go to him. Not before he completely broke the spell." His father replied.

"But what if he needs our help?" Draco said sounding desperate.

"It is too dangerous right now. He doesn't trust us and he has every reason not to." Lucius answered sounding like he was talking to a little child. They had been over this over and over again.

"Maybe he is hurt badly. We have to go check on him" Draco almost yelled.

"Look Draco. It is far too dangerous now with him being under the spell. It makes him hate you. You can't go to him." Lucius said trying not to yell at his son.

"But Dad, you have to understand that I..." Draco started to protest but was interrupted by his father.

"No. We have to wait until he broke the spell. Before that we can't do anything for him. But he is strong, you know. He will be fine."

"That's easy for you to say. It is not your soul mate that is in trouble." Draco yelled. Draco knew that he was being unfair but he didn't care at that moment. He was livid.

"Lucius was furious now. "No, my soul mate got killed before I got the chance to get to know him or her." He shouted.

"I have to make sure that this doesn't happen to me. Can't you understand that?" he said defiantly scowling at his father.

"I understand that this is really hard on you, but at the moment there is nothing we can do." Lucius answered

"I'll go outside to think for a while" Draco said as he turned to leave glaring at his father once more. He made his way over to the door and left quickly, but not before letting the door fall shut with a loud bang.

Lucius stood up and walked over to the window. He pressed his forehead against the cool glass and closed his eyes. He only opened them again when a pair of strong familiar arms wrapped around his waist and pulled him back against a warm solid chest. Lucius was surprised. He hadn't even heard Severus enter the room.

"I don't know if Draco can stand this any longer. We'll have to think about a way to help Harry." Lucius sighed relaxing against Severus.

"Well it's a good thing that he can feel Harry sometimes. That means that he is beginning to fight the spell. Don't worry, everything is going to be fine in the end" Severus answered softly.

He then took hold of Lucius' shoulders and turned him around gently to look into the silvery grey eyes of the man in front of him before closing the gap between them and tenderly pressing their lips together.

Lucius closed his eyes when he felt the soft brush of Severus' lips against his own. Lucius sighed. Severus always knew what to do to cheer him up.

Severus smirked a little when he felt Lucius' lips returning the kiss. He then put one of his hand to the side of Lucius's face and tilted the blond man's head to the left in order to deepen the kiss. His other hand found its way in Lucius hair and he began to play with the silvery-blond strands.

They both parted their lips at the same time. Their tongues started to duel with no one winning or loosing, both content with the draw. Lucius placed his hands at Severus waist and pulled him closer.

They continued to kiss for a while and for that time the two men were able to forget. The only thing that counted was to make themselves and the other one happy

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**A/N: I hope this didn't get too confusing. Please tell me what you think of it. **

**Responses to Questions:**

**Isis-mystic: The story takes place after book 5 **

**Yana5: Sorry, I thought it would become clear in chapter 1. Well, it is easier for me to understand because I know the plot. Well, he was crying, because he was cursed by members of the DA on the train back home after 5th year. He was upset because Harry saw him being humiliated like that and because Harry hated him. I hope that this chapter showed that Draco has some kind of feelings for Harry, but had to hide them in the past. He didn't really want to be mean to Harry, but does it sort of to protect himself from being hurt or something like that. Please tell me if it gets too confusing. **


	4. In Despair

Chapter 3: In despair

**A/N:**

**I'm so sorry for taking so long to update. I knew what I wanted to have in this chapter, but I couldn't write it. It is a lot shorter than I had planned it and it has a lot less in it that I wanted to bring into, but I wanted to get it done by Christmas. I hope that you still like it. I hope that the following chapters will be out a lot sooner.**

**This takes place after book 5 (the Order of Phoenix)**

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DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters, places… 

When Harry woke up it was dark around him. He was startled for a moment but then he remembered that he had returned to private drive where it was nothing special for him to wake up in the dark, because it was always dark in the little cupboard. Harry had always liked the dark. It was easier to hide, to become one with the surroundings.

The darkness that surrounded him seemed to mirror his inner feelings. He was in despair. He didn't know what to do. He couldn't run away. There was nowhere to go to for him. He was sure that the Weasleys would take him in, but he didn't want to bring them into even more danger than they already were in, or so he told himself. He knew that there was another reason for him for not wanting to go there. They were always so cheerful and careless. He didn't think that he could bear to be around people like that for a long time after all he had been through. He didn't want to act like everything was normal, that there was not the threat of Voldemort and his deatheaters.

He didn't want to hide the fact that the Dursleys mistreated him so badly, but he knew that they wouldn't believe to what extend they were hurting him. The Weasleys couldn't grasp the concept of someone hating another family member so badly to be capable of nearly beating him to death everyday. Ron, being the jealous git that he was, would think that this was another attempt to be in the spot light again. Mr and Mrs Wesley would tell him that he was overreacting.

And now he didn't even have Sirius anymore. He knew that Sirius would have understood. Sirius had been hated by his family as well and knew what it felt like to be shunned by one's own blood. But Harry knew that Sirius was dead. He had seen it in his nightmares every night since that fateful encounter at the department of mysteries. Harry was alone, he didn't have anyone anymore. And Harry believed that it was his fault that he was in this situation. Having been told by the Dursleys that he was a worthless freak all his life he believed that everything bad that happened to the people around him was his fault.

After Dumbledore had told him about the prophecy he had realized that he was to blame for even more death. He had killed his parents too. If it hadn't been for him Voldemort wouldn't have gone after them and they would still have been alive.

No, Harry had no one in his life anymore. After Sirius death he had started to think about death. About his own death. He thought that it would be a relieve for all the people around him. If he was dead Voldemort wouldn't go after people he was close to because there would be no reason for him to do that. He was thinking about killing himself, but he didn't dare to do that. "But if I stay here for another month I'll be dead anyway." He thought. "Either Vernon will beat me to death, or I'll starve." He welcomed the thought of all his pain and despair coming to an end. He would see Sirius and his parents again. He could tell them how sorry he was for killing them and he would be able to tell them how much he loved them. With this on his mind he started to check his body for injuries.

He was aching everywhere. He felt a burning pain on the back of his head and lifted a hand to see how badly he was injured. When he touched his hair it felt wet and he knew that he was still bleeding. He had trouble breathing and began to examine his ribs to feel if any damage had been done there. It hurt pretty badly, but he didn't think that any of them had been fractured. Other than that he was sure that he had a lot of bruises, but didn't think that he had any lethal injuries.

Harry had no idea what time it was. He tried to get out of the cupboard, but it was locked. He should have guessed that. His uncle never left it unlocked. He decided to lay back down and to go to sleep some more. Just when he was about to go back to sleep he heard the door being unlocked and his aunt's high-pitched voice screaming: "Get up boy. There is a lot of work to do. You don't expect that I do everything while you just lie there on your freakish bum and do nothing all day? We let you live here and give you clothes to wear you ungrateful brat."

Harry winced when he got up again. He would be busy all day. He hoped that he would at least get something to eat or drink, but he didn't think so. He sighed and went to the kitchen to see what his aunt wanted him to do.

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**A/N: Again, I'm sorry for taking so long and that the chapter is so short.**

**Thank you for all the reviews!!!**

**Miss Lesley: 1) the spell makes Harry treat Draco badly. Draco is hurt and tries to keep his distance to not get hurt even worse. Harry never questioned his behavior towards Draco because this was just normal for him and he was used to it since they met. I have to admit that I have never really thought about this before. 2) Lucius thinks that Draco is overreacting. Lucius never met his soul mate and thus he can't understand what how the bond between them feels like to Draco. He thinks that Draco is just imagining things. 3) He thinks that the pain is because of the death of his Sirius' death and since Harry has never told anyone of how the Dursleys treat him he can't know how bad the situation is. He knows that Harry is not treated correctly but can't imagine it being so bad. I hope that this answered your question**

**MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE**


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